Secure
Relationships
for couples and open-relaters
"Couples counseling didn't work for me, that's why I created my own methodologies."
Hi, I'm Welmer (Vel-Mer), a relationship artist and masterful navigator of complex relationship dynamics.
I teach secure relating to monogamous couples and open-relaters, because it is all the things I needed when I was seeking relational support.
Intro to secure relating with Welmer
From Surviving to Thriving
Learn why you function the way you do, how you can change at the pace of your nervous system and create secure, joyful, and truly extraordinary relationships. Yes, you can have it all...
​
This is for you if you or your partner are:
​
-
FEELING UNWANTED, REJECTED, MISUNDERSTOOD, UNSEEN
-
FEELING UNSAFE, INSECURE, OR REJECTED SEXUALLY
-
AVOIDANT AND ANXIOUS BEHAVIOR CAUSING BIG TRIGGERS IN OPEN RELATIONSHIPS
-
NOT BELIEVING THAT THE RELATIONSHIP CAN FEEL MORE SECURE WHILE ALSO MORE FREE
-
STONEWALLING, MEANNESS, SHARPNESS, ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR
-
BICKERING, FIGHTING, ARGUING, NO OR LITTLE SEX AND UNFULFILLING SEX
-
BLAMING, SHAMING, NOT OWNING THE IMPACT OF ACTIONS, CAUSING RUPTURES AND VOLATILITY
-
GENUINE CURIOSITY FOR TRULY SECURE RELATING
-
GENUINE CURIOSITY FOR MINDFUL OPEN RELATING
-
INSECURITY, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, BLOCKS, FEARS AND ANXIETY
​
What you get:
​
Master yourself - master your relationship. Guiding you towards, and practicing personal power rooted in a healthy and abundant belief system until it becomes second nature.
​
-
Developing radical self-awareness. Getting to know yourself through and through is key to being able to change (and love) the parts that are blocking you from secure and happy partnerships. Communication tools & practices.
-
Rewiring the old you. Interrupting and rewiring thoughts that trigger unhealthy behavior. And anchoring new, positive experiences in the body to replace the old, familiar feelings. Lasting self esteem.
-
Developing personal power. Radical personal growth and directing the flow of awareness to that which serves your most beautiful vision. Aligning every thought and every action at a soul-level.
-
Next Level Relating. From basic tools to a brand-new belief system that changes the way you experience the world.
Signature
12-Week Private Coaching Program
for couples and open-relaters
Secure Relating
Learn how you function, and how you can alchemize your relationship
This private program is specifically designed for monogamous couples and non-monogamous open-relaters who experience persistent relationship struggles, or desire to mindfully explore open-relating.
​
Included:
​
-
bi-weekly 1:1 sessions
-
bi-weekly couple's sessions
-
tools and practices specifically tailored to you
+ 5 hours of "help - we need support NOW" urgent calls
(call will be returned as quickly as possible)
​I'd love to talk to you. No pressure - this is not a sales call. We will work quickly and effectively to uncover some key factors, that, when addressed, will be game-changing for you and your partner.
​Radical change, lasting change.
Upcoming Programs
Body-based Conflict Resolution
An easeful and effective conflict resolution method
A self-paced mini offer that teaches simple and highly effective techniques to de-escalate the nervous system and avoid getting stuck in a perpetual loop of arguing or fighting.
​
Most therapeutic communication techniques do not work when we are activated to the point of lashing out emotionally and physically. When we feel powerless and misunderstood, our emotions can come out sideways.
​
This body-based conflict resolution method calms the nervous system within seconds and will have you feeling heard and met. It helps you and your partner in creating a foundation of ease to speak your needs and desires.
Resolving Push-Pull Behavior
Recognize, interrupt and change this common dynamic
Even healthy relationships experience some measure of push-pull, and that's OK. But, it becomes an issue if it remains unconscious and starts to define how you interact with each other, or it comes out in a way that is hurtful.
​
Most of us have said or heard something along the lines of: "I never want to see you again" and stormed out the door, or something more nuanced like "I've already told you this a million times". It comes out as blame, sharpness, aggressive, which is often a sign of anxious-attachment. Or it comes out as disconnecting from the conversation, storming out, shutting down, which is avoidant behavior.
​
In this self-paced course you will start to recognize the subtle and not-so-subtle behavior that creates separation between you and your partner, and learn how to stay in secure connection so that everybody feels heard and considered.
My Clients (and peers) Say
"Working with Welmer has changed my life. Period. He's brilliant, skilled, attuned and so capable.
​
I feel deeply held by his strength, fluidity and majesty as he has supported my processes around intimacy, sensuality, sexuality and making sense of, and feeling empowered in, the ever-illusive dynamics of romantic relationship and partnership in an evolving world.
​
I trust him and recommend his mastery with full confidence that you'll be blown away with the value he'll bring into your life."
Christopher L. - Public Figure
Hello
My name is Welmer (Vel-Mer) van der Wel
Welcome to a world of possibilities. I am a passionate practitioner of exquisite relationship dynamics, and devoted to teaching people how to relate securely and beautifully.
​
"I will take care of me for you. Will you take care of you for me?"
​
When I recognized the deep and lasting joy and (self)love that happens as a result of neural rewiring and somatic practices, I realized that my zone of genius had found a way to help others.
​
In the years honing my relationship skills, there was an important thing missing, and the tools I learned didn't stick. The underlying belief system and behaviors that were part of my personality didn't change. Yes, communication skills improved, but the foundation from which I was operating - my learned patterns, my thinking, and my reactive behavior - didn't change.
​
"Relationships are reflections of our inner world and the relationship we have with ourselves."
​
In other words, if I change myself, my relationship changes. Sounds simple, right?
This value, this belief is the foundation for the work with my clients. I am not simply a participant in my own life, a bystander, I am the architect of my life. And thus of my relationships.
This view completely shifted EVERYTHING and gave me the energy boost and confidence to initiate the change needed to live a fulfilling life. And so started my intentional journey to rewire my thoughts and my reactive behavior. I live by what I teach, and I practice every tool and piece of wisdom in my own relationships.
Within a single month my clients experience big aha-moments, and within two their lives and relationships feel different, more secure, more alive, more promising. My clients start to feel more joyful, more empowered, more turn-on, more peace, more allowed, more clear, simply 'more'.
​
​​
"I stand for radical personal development as the foundation for secure and lavish relationships."
​
​
This is my contribution to a better YOU, and to a better world. Read what clients have to say.
I'd love to talk to you. No pressure - this is not a sales call. We will work quickly and effectively to uncover some key factors, that, when addressed, will be game-changing for you and your partner.
Join others in community on Facebook and receive a copy of this FREE e-book: "How to Listen to Your Partner..."
...on Facebook
Let's Talk
Contact me with any questions and stay up to date on special offers and discounts only available on the mailing list.
​
(no, I won't flood your inbox or sell your info)